How Dirty is TOO Dirty?

If you are a romance writer...or reader, you know the drill, right?

Some people think romance isn't about the plot or the characters, it's just about the sex. Which in some cases, let's face it, it IS! But how much is too much, and how little is too...well, little.

Hmmm, obviously like most things, this is a matter of personal preference—to a point. Here is a guide recently posted on one of the boards I follow on Goodreads, (taken from  allromanceebooks)

1 flame- Stories will either not have consummated love scenes, or if the loves scenes are consummated detail is not given.
2 flames- Stories will have some love scenes. These will be more sensual then graphic and will mostly rely on euphemism.
3 flames- Stories will have sensual, yet more explicit love scenes, and the language used to describe them may be more graphic and direct.
4 flames- Stories have frequent love scenes that are explicit and described using graphic and direct language.
5 flames- Stories have a high frequency of love scenes that are explicit, described using graphic and direct language, and/or contain subject matter that some readers may consider objectionable.

Personally, I like a heat level of at least 3 flames or higher. But I am someone who reads pure erotica on occasion, so obviously my tastes may be somewhat extreme for some. I am not a vanilla person, though I have nothing against it, per se. But to me, when I read romance, I expect SOME sex, and if I don't get sex, I am going to be disappointed. The same way if I read a horror book that isn't scary, or a fantasy book that lacks imagination, I am not going to be a happy camper.

As a writer, how does this affect me, do I tone stuff down intentionally, so I can appeal to a broader audience? The answer is yes, sometimes. Though less and less lately as I become more confident of where I am headed. For one thing, you simply can't please everyone, and you really shouldn't try.
The exact same book can get a review whining that there was way too much raw sex  and then the very next  review can say there wasn't nearly enough sex and what there was, was bland.

So in other words, the best policy is just to be true to yourself, write what you love and write passionately about it and like-minded hordes will hopefully flock your way.

Unless, of course you're into spaghetti bondage, or IDK, latex suits and oil. That could be a narrower audience, just saying. But I don't judge, to each his or her own, No fighting here.

Books do seem to have been getting a hell of a lot steamier since FSOG came out. There is a trend towards what is ultimately erotic romance. I am good with this genre as long as its written well and there are either strong characters or a strong plot along with the pages and pages of sex. In other words—

This

Not THIS

Because bad writing is still after all, bad writing. If you can't write, no matter how much or how little sex you put in your writing, it is still going to suck.

So then, HOW do you write good sex? How do you make it natural, but hot? Steamy and not goofy?

Again this can be a matter of personal preference,. For instance, check out A Rose, by any other name 

While I agree with some of this, others kinda of lost me. I have used 'swollen nub' and 'nether lips'. Not a lot, but honestly, I don't know what some readers expect. YOU try coming up with a dozen clever names for cock and pussy and see where that leads you. There is only so many words in the English language, people! And for that matter, what about pussy? Is that too crude? Mostly for me, yeah it is. I don't think I have ever used that term in my books and I doubt I ever will, except maybe as dirty talk, not a euphemism. 

But I have read other writers who used it successfully, even the dreaded cunt has worked in some books I have seen. Also remember what is taboo in one country can be somewhat 'meh' in another. For instance that c-word is usually considered vile in the US, in the UK it's far more acceptable.

Still, the best policy is to go with what feels natural, if you have to force it, it probably won't be good. And know your audience, if you write fluffy contemparies with frothy sex, a foray into grtty PNR with a back alley fuck is probably not going to go over too well. But can you push it a little?

Sure—I hope.

For instance, my series Celtic Elementals starts with Smoke in Moonlight which has its fair share of steam and darkness, but is positively sweet compared to the upcoming sequel, Blood in Fire. But the far darker, more wordly and damaged characters demand it, so it works. Will some readers be turned off by the racier tone? Absolutely. But I will have to live with that. 

And some readers will undoubtably love the darker, more explicit feel, so it all works out. Alrighty?!

I got a review for Phoenix Rising , my vamp/psychic ex-lovers novella that complained there was no story, just all sex. But when that book went through beta reading, I was critized because there was no 'real' consummated sex scene, so I actually added one at the end. Which gave the 82 page book a grand total of TWO sex scenes. Go figure.

To climax, go with what turns you on, whatever that may be, but don't be afraid to mix it up a little, in writing AND reading. You are only limited by your own mind, after all.

Happy reading!

**yes, I had fun with silly double entendres in this blog, bet you can't spot them all! hehe